Welcome to Kiwi Log - the musings of a displaced Kiwi experiencing the many delights of London, can't wait for the 'black snot'! I make no apologies to anyone that doesn't get the 'in jokes' - you should have gotten to know me better when you had the chance.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Busy blah busy blah

Back to being stupidly busy at work, and only set to get worse before I come home. And to be honest - starting to feel more than a little sorry for myself!

2 office moves, develop and release 2 websites and back end platform, 2 businesses rebranding, merging 2 of our businesses into one entity blah blah blah....

All before when I leave early April. Bugger.

The good news is I'll be wrecked getting on the plane, sleep the whole way back and be well ready for tipping buckets of vino lakeside with the whole clan the day after I get back!

Ship it in.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Racist?

Tariana Turia when calling for a halt to those troublesome whiteys coming to New Zealand yesterday:
"No, we aren't playing the race card, because we are not talking about Asian immigration.

"In actual fact, the majority of immigrants who come to this country come from Great Britain, from Europe, from Canada, from Australia."
OK - so up the fences - skilled migrants are nothing but trouble. Lets be isolationist back water hicks shall we?

Oh - and if you do not have a slightly yellowish hue - apparently you are not 'of a race'.

And you wonder why I am here.

For all you Capatilist Pigs!!

I fail see a problem here!!!



Thanks to DPF for this one.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Section 59

So it looks like Section 59 - 'Crimes (Abolition of Force as a Justification for Child Discipline) Amendment Bill' - is going to pass third reading and become law. I think it is a well intended Bill that might help send a message that child abuse is plain wrong - although the Bill itself is a slightly over the top intrusion.

Personally - I wouldn't have supported it - but that matters little. One thing that did get me thinking was around the implementation. What will happen the day before the law comes into force??? Will parents go round giving their kids one final whack?!?!
'Right, ten more minutes - come here son'. WHACK!

There will be kids everywhere saying, 'OOOwwww!! Just you wait you bastard, on the stroke of midnight I am going to piss in your slippers!'
I suppose I shouldn't make light of such a serious topic - but passing a law that could (but in reality won't) impact on 95% of parents, and have precisely zero impact on those it is suppose to target is a bit capricious if you ask me.

Flocking hilarious!

A new website has been set up for some of New Zealand's 'people in need....'



Click here for more

Baaaah ha ha!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Hot Date

Well, dinner with The Jones Girl at least. No less 'hot' but not a 'date' strictly speaking! And in a fairly dramatic move away from finding the dustiest smoke filled haven possible, we uncovered a very swanky Vodka bar in Soho called 'Revolution'.

It was very cool and , in keeping, with the 'revolution' theme - we stayed out late, not leaving said establishment until 10pm! Wild.

Otherwise, all is well but uneventful (a good thing). But I have taken to reading Immanuel Kant on the tube:
"All the preparations of reason, therefore, in what may be called pure philosophy, are in reality directed to those three problems only (God, Soul, Freedom). These themselves, however, have a still further object, namely, to know what ought to be done, if the will is free, if there is a God, and if there is a future world. As this concerns our actions with reference to the highest aims of life, we see that the ultimate intention of nature in her wise provision was really, in the constitution of our reason, directed to moral interests only. "
Oh God (if indeed you do exist!), I feel Richard Dawkins coming on...

Sal - give me a bell when you are online next - I need someone to 'read to'!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Sus - you would be proud

Walking out of an average meeting, saw shirt in shop window, liked the look of shirt, called the procession to a halt. Entered said shop.

"Do you have that shirt in a 42 inch neck?" said I.

"Yes sir, would you like to try this on, the changing rooms are this way. We also have this in other colours here look..." Replied he.

"Mate, please recognise when you are onto a quick win, bag it and let me out of here". And the job was done.

But bloody hell - wasn't he onto a good thing!! I didn't realise until leaving the shop that I had just shed near on $500 NZD for a shirt in less than 3 minutes!!

I think I like it...

You guessed it

Still haven't seen the wet stuff in Brighton.

Hopeless.

Monday, February 19, 2007

2nd attempt at tourism

After my first trip to Brighton I think I left as the only Kiwi to have visited the place without seeing water! Well, tomorrow I shall be putting that right when I return to the same supplier.

Looks like a bit of an eyesore if you ask me!



A beer on the pier, see you there...

Thursday, February 15, 2007

It's a 'me' night...

Home early, BBQ Chicken Pizza, a few brews, phone off and Newcastle vs Waregem (Belgian Cup Champs in case you didn't know) in the European Cup - on poor mans telly!!

All this with my best mate. Me.

“In solitude, where we are least alone,” (Byron) - but rest assured I'll be thinking of all of you!

So that was winter then - yawn.

Back to double digits all day here in Londontown.

If there are two things that the Poms are obsessed with, and almost entirely inherently negative about, it is the Transport and the weather.

I think both are great - I truly didn't not believe I would live for two years without a car. But it is just the way it is over here - and it is fine!

The weather is great as well. Almost always still - which this Wellington boy rejoices in. Sure it gets cold - but cold and still is a doddle ---- if you HTFU!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Bah spit!!

A tube ride home with every second woman shoving flowers in my face and sporting an airy 'oh he really does love me despite being a shit for 360 odd days'; look on her face.

Blokes holding yet to be delivery bunches with an 'if this doesn't do the trick I'll be seriously dark'; look slapped all over their chevy chase.

American commercial festivals - don't you just love'em??

Bitter - not a bit of it!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

It's all about me

Going to spend some pounds - eBay here I come.

I'm not particularly big on gadgets - but I sense at portable USB hard drive, maybe some DVD's and perhaps some Newcastle gear.

Has it come to this...

Ah Valentines Day

A day to think of the future. Dreams. Aspirations.

 


Bloody hell! A time 'to think' indeed!
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Monday, February 12, 2007

Doh!

But this one wasn't my cock up. I got this email from a supplier today:
Tony

Have just got a response from Frit - not exactly what we wanted to hear.

They are taking the .... I feel but we will have to come up with some kind of response.

Regards

Roy
The old 'reply' instead of 'forward' trick - brilliant! I did see the funny side having been on the wrong side of the same scenario more times than I like to remember. Not withstanding the fact that he alleges that I am taking the piss!!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I woke up this morning and what did I see...



That was the view looking out from Camp 1.

Spot the foreigner in London town that whips out the camera at the site of snow!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I don't usually post jokes

Or forward emails for that matter - but this did tickle me for some reason. And it is the most bog standard 'internet joke' I have read in a while. Anyways...

This letter was recently sent (allegedly) by Tescos Head Office to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again.

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager
If you didn't at least chuckle at a couple of them - check your pulse.

Labels:

Coincidental Coordination

HR and I arrived at the do complimenting each other quite nicely I thought, things went sharply down hill come salsa time, but she's a fast healer...



I would have a few more to post had the consultant sending them not tried to do so as a 90MB email. Genius.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Battling

Things have gone a bit manic again - sigh...

But will post some pics of the Christmas do tomoza. And yes - I managed to come out with a snog or three, but reputation in tact.

However if I was to say that the Frit Octopus routine was back in full force - there are a few of you out there that will know what I am talking about. Great stuff.

Will be doing a ring around home tomorrow night to check in with the fam. No major news - just wanting to remind myself that I will be seeing everybody in April!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Dirty Sanchez!

The work do was brilliant and the moustachio diego went down a treat. So much so that the official photographer was well sick of the sight of me by the end of the night.

Short presentation, one speech, late informal buffet dinner and then down to the wines and dancing. It really was cool - nothing overly formal but still fairly well restrained! It wasn't surprising, given the number of kiwi's present, that there was an impromptu haka lead by moi. I would rate it a solid 7.5 - not the best, but fine for the occasion.

Photo's to follow....

Friday, February 02, 2007

All set to go

Skskana was kind enough to take me to a costume place today to sort my wears for tomorrow night - and if I do say so myself, we have done rather well!

I will leave you to judge (will post some pics as soon as I have them) - but it is shaping up to be a great night. I have even accessorised with a femme fatale in a little red dress, the ensemble would not be complete without. ;-)

 
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