Working life:

Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

First, before you accuse me of feeling sorry for myself, please allow me to confess. To feeling sorry for myself that is (which essentially renders your accusation accurate - but unnecessary). I don't like to complain - well, more accurately - I don't like having cause to complain (the complaining itself is not so bad).

Things are busy, I am tired, makes me grumpy, no ones likes grumpy person. The logical extrapolation of that being that, the world is against me - and no one likes an entire world against them.

Anyways - one good day tomoza and we all will be well with the world again! And looking forward to the prospect of a good break when Mum gets here (see below!). It's not until July/August - but having something to look forward to will be good!

Happier thoughts!

This little tug boat is called the Celebrity Millennium - should do the trick for Ma and I for a dozen days in July/August. We haven't confirmed the cruise idea - but I figure that is a fairly simple way to do half a dozen countries without having to worry about logistics!

Lazy option - but could be a sensible one (and what is wrong with lazy when it relates to a holiday anyway!?!?). I particularly like this bit:

The ship's specialty restaurant, The Olympic, features wood paneling from the RMS Olympic, sister ship to the Titanic. It also has a demonstration kitchen and dine-in wine cellar.

Going to sea - just to hang out in a cellar - doesn't quite make sense, but sounds OK to me.

Why IQ Tests are unfair on Blond's

Sorry K!

And a certain Frit is too busy to Blog...

The un-made false accusation

And thank god for that! The background is simple - on occasion over the course of the last few weeks I have noticed the toilet seat, how shall we say, slightly 'soiled' when I have gotten up in the morning. Once was after I had had a heavy night - I was unsure of as to my potential culpability - but felt ashamed.

Then it happened again mid-week, I could only wonder whether or not Buzz might have had a heavy night (I didn't dare contemplate the actual logistics of how this 'mishap' may have taken place). This occurred another 3 or 4 times. I am always the first up and wondered whether or not to raise this with Buzz. The prospect of that conversation did not appeal at all - so nothing was made of it.

Today - the mystery was solved - and in somewhat spectacular fashion! It's bloody Lola! (Pictured below). Home alone I heard a strange, but familiar tinkle, odd - I thought. So I went to the bathroom to investigate - and there she was, perched proudly (if occasionally erratically) on the lav!

Now I am not much of a cat fan - but I am mildly chuffed! I can't wait to casually drop into conversation the fact that my cat is toilet trained! But unforgivably careless.

Crouching Kitty - Unhidden Talent

Public Service Announcement

I'm just off to Camden to get the swede shaved - and then to NW1 to watch the FA Cup 4th Round game between Newcastle and minnows Cheltenham Town.

This should be an enjoyable afternnon. I hope to return in high spirits. However, be warned, if you hear the words 'Cheltenham Town' and 'giant killers' in the same sentence in the course of the next 24 hours - give me a wide berth. A very wide berth.

Don't msn, don't email, and for the love of Christchurch, don't even contemplate calling.

Have a nice day all - I bloody well better have!

As Vinnie Jones once said....

"it's been emotional." I re-read last nights post and realised that it was posted about 4 hours before I actually went to sleep. 3 things struck me:

1. Even at that stage (just after 11 in the pm) - to produce a post relatively grammatically respectable was not a bad effort.

2. I must have been well wound up by 3am!

3. I can't do mid-weekers anymore. Over 4 hours worth of leading meetings today - it was hellish. Particularly this mornings when I lost a couple of sentences (thank god K recognises the early signs of a meaningless Frit half arsed diatribe and came in for a couple of saves!).

But the day is over, I am feeling fine and back to being boring busy person. Up to Dunstable tomorrow for a day with suppliers and then going to blow wads of cash on some kind of 'experience' over the weekend.

I don't think I will be able to go anywhere exotic - so it may be a trip to the theatre, darlings....

Melancholy over - 'happy sad' for a bit, back to it tomoza

It's been a long day - but thankfully Buzz is out tonight and I have had a good wind up! Listening to some of the sounds that Dad and I used to share, all good (particularly Charlotte Church (Men of Harlech) before she went bad (would have broken his heart - she was 12 and sweet when we got the video of the performance from the Royal Albert)).

We always had music in common. Not just the taste in music - but how we used it. Many was the night that Dad would sit downstairs, headphones on (but clearly audible to passers by) - losing himself, albeit momentarily in the melodic disquiet of the Welsh Choirs. Tonight I have done the same - and smiled as much as I have cried.

So, as cold as it feels to say it, we move on - thoughts turn to the living - how much I would love to be with my family back home. How much I worry about Mum. How aware I am that Mum reads this and will feel upset.

But Mum and I have grown to be able to share these moments, I know she will understand where I am at - and know that it hurts, as I know - but still find it hard to comprehend the level of her pain. But we both know that it will soften in the next few days.

I think it is right to remember, to lament, but not to wallow. I don't think Dad would want that. But to the man that said to MJD when contemplating his own eulogy (something he touched on once - and hated, such is the nature of a terminal illness) - 'I know people say funerals should be happy occassions, celebrating life - but MJD, I want you to make the buggers sad!'.

Well Dad - indulge me, today, I am.

Back tomoza, having looked back, I'll be looking forward - but still wanting to be like you.

Dad

3 years today since Dad died and I am feeling as far from home as I ever have. In fact - before today I missed home, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But even when Mum was in hospital I was on the phone to MJD constantly and had Auntie H here. I never actually felt isolated.

Today is different.

Shite day at work already as well - but I have no doubt that is down to me and how I am felling. It was always going to be.

It did remind me of the caption under the photo of Dad in his Obituary - it simply says, "NAME, a man to have in your corner..."

My corner feels empty.

It's like losing a dear friend you never knew

She's gone. No announcement, no farewells, no 'Judy Bailey style fatuous send off'. None of that. Without notice, the voice on the Northern Line has gone.

Everyday she told me where I was, before I had to ask. She told me where to change, without knowing I was minutes away from been lost. And now she has been replaced with a chick that spent so long in allocution classes that you can here the seperation of the 'a' and the 'i' when she says 'train'.

Sure they may be faceless recordings - but I can tell you - it's going to take a while to build a relationship with this new bird.

Damn.

Message to TVNZ and TV3

I got home quite early tonight - just before 7pm, and lo and behold I was able to tune in and catch the full news hour.

I have long thought that if either TVNZ or TV3 took a punt and screened their main evening news bulletin at 7pm, they migh be pleasantly surprised by the ratings. Am I dreaming?!?!

People that work in the city (news watchers) - 7pm suits nicely thank you.

People with young kids - 7pm kids are in bed, dinner is pending, lovely.

People that have a swifty on the way home, 7pm? Nice.

In the summer months, cook the barbie over a brew outside, come inside, news on telly - dead animal on plate. Seems a fairly natural fit.

So why is the 6pm news hour such a sacred cow?

(Oh, and it would put the final nail in the Shortland Street coffin - surely not a bad thing!)

A quick test

With a shortage of much of interest to report (and given the stir the 'Monty Hall Paradox' created) - a short and very simple question;

Whay are man holes round?

I have throwwn this at people in interviews in the past and judged them horribly by their reaction to the question! If you don't get it within 30 seconds - chances are you won't - but if you're not busy, feel free let it bug you.

Answer in the next day or two.

That didn't last long

The new wild and crazy me has been torpedoed by a visit by the bloody auditors (amongst other things). Absolutely snowed damn it.

But will endeavour to create some reportable havoc this week...

At least it doesn't mean 'severe companion!'

OK - so there is no delicate way around this. No gentle phrasing, no flowery language. Forget misplaced modesty - that won't cut it. Nor will a protraced rambling introduction prevent the inevitable. The fact is that the question has been asked, and no matter how uncomfortable, an answer has been promised - and I am not the type to mess around - I like to get straight to the point. Take the bull by the horns and front up to the challenge. There will be no relenting - well not a lot...

FB stands for 'fuck buddy' (sorry Ma!) and according to Wikipedia:

A casual relationship (also referred to as a friend with benefits, cut friend, or fuck buddies) is a term used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who engage in uncommitted sex acts.

So there you have it - apparently it has been suggested that I need some 'casual sex'. This in inself raises some questions - what exactly is casual sex? Sex, to me, has always been a fairly frantic affair - certainly not casual! I hear the phrase casual sex and picture trying to leaf through a book whilst engaging in the most initimate of human relations. Not something I can really imagine - nor desire to be honest.

I also struggle with the notion of an 'umcommitted relationship' - I have always thought the 2 to be mutually exclusive. Having said that - I resisted the temptation to get on a train to Brighton and caveman for the weekend and ended up having a bit of a bender with Boy et al on Friday night. A bit of harmless snogging with Jess was as far as things went though.

It did set me thinking that it might be nice to have a significant other - and moves may be made to recruit that person sooner rather than later. In the meantime, Ma relax, there will be no insignificant other (or 'FB').

Well - I did ask for it

A couple of days ago Ma left the following comment:

Enlighten me so I am that much wiser. Remember you told me you were out to find some compatible female company within the next month. Report please on progress.
mother kiwi log | 01.18.06 - 6:22 pm | #

Now I am not one to hide behind a 'you asked for it' defence - but Ma - you did enquire, so over the weekend I shall endeavour to find a tactful way to tell you what a 'FB' is!

Meanwhile everything else carries on. Out at Uxbridge this morning, the ultimate arm pit of London, and then back to West Ken this afternoon. Buzz is having a dinner party tonight so I think it wise to leave them to it and hook up with Boy for a few instead.

Definitely, seriously and properly like looking for a place this weekend!

Failed flirting

Before I get started on this whole new me malarky I just want to relay one recent episode. Yesterday provided a compelling explanation as to why I typically do not flirt - well not in the traditional sense of flirting. It started a few weeks ago...

There is a girl at work who is hot - very hot. I sit between her and the door, so she has to parade her way past me many times a day - the odd coy smile - a little nod, after a week or so there were little 'hello's'.

All well and good - even the boss commented on the coquetting nature of one such exchange. Bouyed by this a decided to talk to her, and that is where things started to go awry. It was a Friday - 'what are your plans for the weekend?' she enquired. 'Not much really - probably fairly quiet, you?' This exchange lasted circa 20 seconds and ended in coy smiles. Nice.

I bumped into her a few more times - one notable encounter on a Tuesday morning. 'What did you get up to on the weekend?' she enquired. 'Not much really - it was fairly quiet, you?' Are you seeing a pattern emerging?

When Mark and K were giving me greif about her last week I actually joked that if I bumped into her on a Wednesday I would be buggered - it would be too late for the 'how was?' and a bit premature for the 'what are you?' lines. As (my) luck would have it - that exact chance meeting occured yesterday (Wednesday). One on one in the lift there was no avoiding it, 'hey - how you going?' I offered. 'Not bad, yay, it's almost Saturday!' came the reply. 'Yeah good huh!' I ventured. I had nothing - no game at all.

Now I can usually hold my own in a conversation no probs at all - but 'small talk' is not a strength. Ask me to pick a chick up and she might temporarily leave the ground, but the odds of her ending up at my place are slim to none.

UPDATE: A couple of people have politely informed me that this post makes me sound a bit hopeless - which in fairness I suppose it does. In my defence, in terms of this particular scenario, the blank canvas that I was attempting to paint with my charm, is completely impervious to colour! That is as benevolently as I can put it.

Ch ch ch changes....

In a msn exchange with KiwiGirl she suggested that I should share more personal things on this page. Essentially that I should spill my guts like someone that has just helped themselves to seconds of a bird flu roast.

An interesting prospect, and a fair suggestion given that my life, and resulting posts, have taken on a Ground Hog day flavour of late. But in order to do this I shall have to do things to cultivate content - i.e. not be such a boring one dimensional prick! Having pondered this for a couple of days - I think she is right. So be warned - at any moment - any day now - I might do something of interest. Sounds like madness to me, what could be more satisfying, stable and dependable than rigid routine and complete predictability?

But hey, I'm up for it (I think).... We shall see how this pans out.

She also suggested that I needed a 'FB' to 'relieve some tension' and lighten up a little. Those of you who know what a 'FB' is - stop nodding in pitying agreement! Those who don't know what an 'FB' is (and Mum - I hope you're one of them!) - don't worry, for KiwiGirls suggestion is much akin to a Recruitment Consultant telling you that you need a Personal Assistant - but failing to provide a candidate!

But anyways - stay tuned, the new crazy, 'open' me is making some changes. It is going be 30 minutes to get out of bed and out the door in the morning.

I told you I could be mad!

Old habits die hard...

Simple situation - I have purchased a new suit. One reason for that is that the pockets on the old suit were frayed like nobodies business - a direct result of hands in and out of pockets all day.

So I vowed to myself that I would no longer put my hands in my suit trouser pockets - sounds simple really. It is bloody torture!!! Everytime I go to slip my hand into my pocket I have to tear it away - in a 2 minute wait for a tube - this happens about 10 times.

I try to be subtle - but I don't think it is working. People are looking at me like I am the busy handed, pants pulled up, all excited third former that had his pockets sewn shut to 'help him concentrate' in class. Not good.

They can't have thought much of the place...

An article on Stuff.co.nz is claiming that there is a map that may prove that New Zealand was actually discovered by the Chinese!

Experts believe the analysis has the potential to indicate a Chinese explorer discovered America before Christopher Columbus. It would also reinforce theories that Chinese were the first to discover Australia and New Zealand.

The lab has been asked to test the paper and ink used for a Chinese map dating to 1763. It is a copy of a map dating back to 1418 and - may show Admiral Zheng He discovered America more than 70 years before Christopher Columbus, according to an article in The Economist last week.

The map apparently shows a clear depiction of the Americas, New Zealand, Australia, Africa and Europe.

They can't have thought much of the place then! A waterfront property in 1418 must have been a bargain?

Whoops! I'm a criminal - again....

I am sitting here clearing the decks at work and have just happened upon an interesting (and potentially kinda threatening!) wee document. From Dun and Bradstreet (debt collectors) and headed - NOTICE OF INTENTION TO ISSUE PROCEEDINGS -, it caught my eye.

Bugger. Lou had reminded me many time and given this letter to me when I was back in NZ ('the planks at Telecom AND Dun and Bradstreet had been sending things to work - despite me giving Telecom a forwarding address to send the final bill to, your honour') and I have managed to forget about it since. Best I give them a call tonight.

Fraud is not sexy, or cool - but a bit better than some of my prior efforts! Might be back sooner than I thought...

Kidney Failure may have done what the yanks couldn't!

The word on the street is that Osama bin Laden maybe dead - primarily based on a potentially spurious piece of 'intellegence' and backed up by the fact that he has not been seen or heard from for about a year.

A terrorism expert says he has seen evidence showing that al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden is either seriously ill or dead.

Dr Clive Williams, director of terrorism studies at the Australian National University, says documents provided by an Indian colleague suggest bin Laden died of massive organ failure in April last year.

"It does seem reasonably convincing based on the evidence that I've been provided with that he's certainly either severely incapacitated or dead at this stage," Dr Williams told ABC radio. He said that Ayman al-Zawahiri, bin Laden's deputy who was the target of a United States air strike in Pakistan last week, had been making all statements on behalf of the terror network for the past year.

Whether this is true or not - I don't know. But my question has always been (and many others have asked) - 'how hard can it be to find a 6ft 4 Arab on dialysis!?!?

OCD Day

It was kind of inevitable - when Buzz showed up with a new vacuum this morning - the day was only going to go one way.

Every single item in my room has been touched, moved, ordered and returned to its rightful place. Every surface dusted, sheets changed, shirts ironed. Bliss.

When things threaten to get out of hand at work I tend to react by ensuring that everything that is within my control is in order. I have done this for many a year, but today was impressive [or disturbing - Ed] - even for me. When I haboured a suspicion that the photo of the family on my far wall wasn't quite square, the tape measure came out. That is when I decided that enough was enough (particularly now that the photo is square).

About friggen time!

Being classified as a 'New Zealand European' has always bugged me - and I hold a British passport! I can't imagine how it feels for 5th generation New Zealander's to be tagged with a label associating them with a colonial past they have zero afinity with.

It appears that Stats NZ have finally come to their senses and acknowledged that the good folk of my homeland might actually like to be recognised as 'New Zealander's'.

People who describe their ethnicity as "New Zealander" or "Kiwi" will have their answers recorded in the main Census for the first time this year.

Statistics New Zealand chief demographer Mansoor Khawaja says he is ready to bow to public opinion and stop classifying people who give these answers to the Census ethnicity question under the official category "New Zealand European".

I don't think that this is insignificant. I desperatley hope it is another little step towards 'nationhood' and in its own little way moves us away from the horrific cultural cringe that currently pervades.

Also - I hope that this is not solely the domain of honky's! I am not suggesting that Maori people renounce or forget their ancestry at all, in the same way as a Pom is a Pom - but if someone, anyone, wants to be a pure and simple New Zealander - thank god they now can be.

Somethings not right

I actually agree with something from the mouth of the king of the self important, minipulated and cynically reported statistical bollocks, Andy Knackstedt (LTNZ spokeman).

Drink-drivers will face a new "three strikes and you're out" law from Monday, when their cars will be taken from them for a third offence within four years.

Their cars will automatically be taken from them for 28 days until they pay all costs.

Even then, they will be unlikely to be back in their cars in a hurry, with a long driving ban likely at that point, Land Transport New Zealand (LTNZ) spokesman Andy Knackstedt said.

"Effectively it's recognising that we've got a problem with repeat drink-drivers and is putting new penalties and new steps to address that," he said.

About time. And before anyone cries 'hypocrisy', let me explain.

I was caught (fair and square - but bloody unluckily!) the day before my 20th birthday. If I had been a day older - I would have been under the limit. That is by the by - I have had my chance, learnt my lesson and now I am exceptionally careful if driving. I understand that someone might have three wines and just be over the limit once - that would be a mistake.

But drunk driving has is premedited (as well as hugely selfish) - repeat offenders should be dealt to - good job!

[Completely unrelated word of the day:

Main Entry: self-righ·teous
Pronunciation: -'rI-ch&s
Function: adjective
: convinced of one's own righteousness especially in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others : narrow-mindedly moralistic - Ed]

Faaaaarrrrkkkkkkk!!!!

I have very nearly come up with one of the most original ways to torpedo a fairly major deal!

We have sold off a significant chunk of one of our trad recruitment businesses, lock-stock-the lot. The last part of the deal has been the extraction of all current non financial data and all of the relevant consultants correspondence over the last set period. Sounds simple and it should be. It never is.

So I have been sat here all day taking these guys through the various data that will be burnt to disc before the deal is signed and a boot is planted firmly up the backsides as they leave the building. 4 hours of going backwards and forwards - frustrating as all hell. Last query written and dragging the info down now. All ready to rip the agreed data to disc and tell these suckers to decamp (post emptying their pockets on the desk - good natured deal this one).

i have just spilled water over the side of my laptop. The side with the only DVD burner in the place in it.

Faaarrrrkkkk!

[It's the first time I have seen you with a hair dryer in years! - Ed]

One thing I did get sorted when I was back home was getting my thumb looked at by a surgeon in Wellington. His first words on sighting said thumb was 'ohh, yuk!' - not encouraging.

He diagnosed it in a minute or so - 'ruptured ACL mate'. 'Is that bad?' I replied. 'Yup'. He then proceeded to tell me of the joys that await.

Operation (thank god I am over here and will probably never actually get to the front of the line) and a couple of plates inserted in the thumb/wrist.

Now for someone whose biggest phobia is having foreign matter under his skin, this is not particularly appealing. A quick google search now gives me good reason to avoid the quack altogether! Below is a thumb with said plates.



No thanks me thinks! But I will sacrifice myself to do a social experiment on the state of the UK health system. Ouch.

Bugger

This don't happen often, so sit up straight and listen up. I was wrong.

There, done. Admitted. I was as wrong as a Michael Jackson sponsored créche. The answer to yesterdays problem (thanks to Wikipedia) is basically:

Do the player's odds of getting the car increase by switching?

The solution

The answer to the problem is yes; the chance of winning the car is doubled when the player switches to another door rather than sticking with the original choice.

There are three possible scenarios, each with equal probability (1/3):

* The player picks goat number 1. The game host picks the other goat. Switching will win the car.
* The player picks goat number 2. The game host picks the other goat. Switching will win the car.
* The player picks the car. The game host picks either of the two goats. Switching will lose.

In the first two scenarios, the player wins by switching. The third scenario is the only one where the player wins by staying. Since two out of three scenarios win by switching and each scenario is equally likely, the odds of winning by switching are 2/3. In other words, a player who has a policy of always switching will win the car on average two times out of the three.

The problem would be different if there were no initial choice, or if the game host picked a door to open at random, or if the game host were permitted to make the offer to switch more often (or only) depending on knowledge of the player's original choice. Some statements of the problem, notably the one in Parade Magazine, do not explicitly exclude these possibilities. For example, if the game host only offers the opportunity to switch if the contestant originally chooses the car, the odds of winning by switching are 0%. In the problem as stated above, it is because the host must make the offer to switch and must reveal a goat that the player has a 2/3 chance of winning by switching.

Another way of getting the solution is that assuming you will switch, the only way of losing would be by originally picking the winning door (i.e. you initially bet that you'll find the prize; if you did pick the winning door, switching will make you lose). By switching, you essentially invert your chances from 1/3 to 2/3 (i.e. by switching you actually bet on not having chosen the winning door in the first pick).

I am happy to accept it - but it still feels wrong for some reason. In terms of my coin throwing analogy - Wikipedia puts the boot into me there as well:

The most common objection to the solution is the idea that, for various reasons, the past can be ignored when assessing the probability. Thus, the first door choice and the host's reasoning about which door he opens are ignored. Because there are two doors to choose from, there is then a fifty-fifty chance of choosing the right one.

Although ignoring the past works fine for some games, like coin flipping, it doesn't work for all games. The most notable counterexample is card counting in some card games, which allows players to use information on past events to their advantage. Past information helps also in the Monty Hall problem.

Apologies KiwiGirl (damn that hurts!).

The Monty Hall Paradox

Over the last couple of days I have been having a debate with KiwiGirl over what is widely known as The Monty Hall Paradox. It started with a harmless question on her blog - and ended with a flood of emails back and forth. So here it is:

'You are on a game show on television. On this game show the idea is to win a car as a prize. The game show host shows you three doors. He says that there is a car behind one of the doors and there are goats behind the other two doors. He asks you to pick a door. You pick a door but the door is not opened. Then the game show host opens one of the doors you didn't pick to show a goat (because he knows what is behind the doors). Then he says that you have one final chance to change your mind before the doors are opened and you get a car or a goat. So he asks you if you want to change your mind and pick the other unopened door instead. What should you do?

So peoples - what do you think? This has sparked all sorts of debates in mathematical circles - and I don't understand why? It seems simple to me...

Easiet way to sum up my reasoning is from an email to KiwiGirl;

Nope - to me what happened with the first door becomes completely irrelevant after it is opened. You are left with 2 doors - one has a goat, one has a car. 50/50.

Along the same lines as if you toss a coin 4 times, before you start - you would expect 2 heads, 2 tails. But if you have thrown it twice and got heads both times, the odds don't shorten on tails for the third throw based on the outcome of the first 2 throws. It is still 50 - 50 for throw three (and will always be when you toss a coin).

Does that follow?

Hhhhmmmm.

It started so well

As people return to the office the welcome back email exchanges start to fly. I have had a number of these exchanges, most wretchedly bland - but some do get borderline flirty.

I had one exchange trending nicely in that direction (no interest - but it breaks up the day!), and then I got this reply:

"I may be around west ken on the 17th or 18th but not next week.

looking forward to admiring the full sun tanned colour spectrum on your head, if it hasnt faded by the time I see you."

'Sun tanned head' - rather than the more traditional (and slightly less insulting) 'sun tanned face'!

Well, that's her off the list then.

Resolutions schmesolution!

But I do have one goal for this year!

I will have dinner with Stephen Fry and talk him into writing the foreward (and giving a little guidance) for my book!

He doesn't live far from me and I am thinking that if I can make 'the approach' random enough - then he just may do it. Along the lines of, 'Stephen - I think I am on the verge of a mental breakdown, and would hate to be as undignified as to have a breakdown poorly. Would you be free to offer me some advice in this regard?' - perhaps...

On reflection - that needs work - any suggestions welcomed!

Transcient - Permanent

Today is the first day back at the desk with the whole team back - and also happens to be my first day here as a permanent employee. This, in effect, means very little - but after being home, buying a one way ticket back here and then signing a permanent contract here - I must say I am feeling a little different.

The trip home was fantastic, to see everyone was brilliant. The kids were well cute (for the most part!) - and it was a great relief to see Mum in the flesh and looking so well.

But there were also a couple of strange feelings as well. I was in NZ living out of a back pack - the majority of my possessions on the other side of the world. I was transferring money from London back to NZ to cover 'my holiday'. And then there was Christmas - looking down on my old place and generally feeling like a bit of a third wheel for the whole thing... I am sure most of it was me winding myself up - but everything lead to a minor 'displacement sensation'!

Which is why I am thinking of getting my own pad over here. Something solid and very much 'mine' is required me thinks! Either that or I could just harden up!