Not right

I sick. More accurately - I am Man Sick, which is like regular sick, just a much more serious strain.

No sleep, nice headache and an office which is stuffy as hell. I am having one of those 'the world is against me' days. But I will not lie down and sulk! I fully intend to stand up and wallow! I shall immerse myself fully in my self pity - it is my right after all in account of the fact that no one feels worse than me.

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

Maya Angelou

I'll give it a couple of days.

Good

Wayne Mapp's Private Members Bill has been drawn from the hat - and let me be the first to forecast some of the dullest and most predictable responses. The bill is to introduce a probation period for workers.

Probation period bill to be debated by parliament
24 February 2006

National MP Wayne Mapp's members' bill to establish a 90-day probation period for workers in new jobs will be debated by Parliament.

It was drawn from the members' bill ballot yesterday, and is likely to come up for its first reading next month or during April.

It will not be supported by the Government and is not expected to survive its first reading, but Mr Mapp was optimistic.

"This bill will ensure we have workplace law that will help New Zealand close the production gap with Australia," he said.

"This will enable employers to take a chance with new employees without facing the risk of expensive and protracted personal grievance procedures."

Mr Mapp said New Zealand and Denmark were the only two countries in the OECD that did not have a probation period for new employees.

In most the period was three months, and in Britain it was 12 months.

Just wait for Labour and the Greens to come out and cry that this is 'just another example of the vast right wing conspiracy trying to screw over the down trodden worker'. 'A further erosion of workers rights.' What absolute and utter bollocks! It is the sort of idealogical and hysterical reactive rant that typifies both parties and annoys the hell out of me. It also smacks of the response of a group of people that have never had to do much hiring and firing - just read a couple of books about it.

The probation period specifically helps those that might otherwise struggle to get a job. In NZ, an employer can only consider hiring someone if they are absolutey certain that the person is solid, because you know that if they turn out to be absolutely dire, you're stuck with them. You're buggered. Would you take a punt on a person that has a slight disability - but there is a 30% chance that they would be fantastic? Hell no. Criminal record - even a minor one? Nope. Long gap in their work history? Not me.

Would you take a chance on that person if you could say to them at the outset, 'we are not 100% sure you're right - but we want to give you a good chance to prove to us that you are'? I would like to think that, for most employers, the answer to that is yes.

To the Nats - drop the 'productivity with Australia comparisons', that record has had one too many outings already. Attack it from the workers side, and you may not only win the argument - but you may also win a couple of friends along the way.

Crying bank - not baby

There was a bit of a heist here yesterday - and we are not talking causing infantile tears post lifting some candy - this was the full monty.

It was 'reportedly the largest robbery in Bristish history'. What!?!?! Reportedly??? You mean to say that there may have been a bigger one - but nobody knows about it? The victim didn't want the publicity - so kept it all a little bit quiet?

And then there is this headline from the BBC:

£2m reward for raid information

The 7.5 tonne lorry and a saloon car (Kent Police)

Police briefing
A £2m reward has been offered after armed robbers stole up to £50m in a raid on a Securitas depot in Kent.

Call me devious - but if I knew these guys - and where they were - I think I would negotiate directly for a little more than £2 million! Do I have some latent criminal disposition? Or just an eye for an opportunity?

Poms - they are just different

Very much a product of the environment they grew up in - but they really have some bizarre ways.

Scenario:

A busy street, rush hour perhaps? Yes, it's rush hour - people everywhere, hussle bussle and the odd kiwi accent saying 'excuse me mate'. Ah, the dolcet tones of a 'freshy' - poor bastard, he'll soon learn and be dropping the shoulder like the rest of us. But I digress.

How does a Kiwi react to someone wondering out into the road and into there path? Typically by standing on the breaks and dropping a few curses in said meanderer's direction.

How does the Pom react to the same situation? By standing on the horn and wishing the person luck. I swear, you see it everyday - unless you are watching the couple having a stand up argument across the street from one another, but that's another post...

But still - bless him. They are yet to learn to laugh at themselves - which makes it all the more important fo us to teach them to laugh at them. Uptight buggers, I tell you!

CJD going to dance with the mad cows

He of the unfortunate initials, 'cjd', has decided that if you can't eat them - dance with them! So I am planning on Dublin for Easter! Which just happens to coincider with St Pats day - bloody brilliant.




Apparently this is typical of the carry on, nice!

The FA Vase - never meant anything anyway.

Why is it that almost all of my mates over here, and back home for that matter, support Chelsea? Would it be bitter of me if I were to suggest the answer started with 'a few billion' and ended in 'roubles'? I think it might.

Yet - sure enough, just when it looked like Newcastle might give me something to smile about (or at least a big night out for a final) - the quarter final draw for the FA Cup comes out. Psychic's need not apply.

Chelsea.

Away.

Bugger.

Oh dear....

In the midst of a much publicised Leadership battle, it appears that the Lib Dems are not content with a 'I am not gay, oh, you've found a previous partner? OK - I am a little bit gay' scandal. Followed by a sordid 'rent boy' expose - it appears they have 'come out' with a whole new fetish!

This is the front page of tonights Evening Standard:




I don't care how 'liberal' you are - that's just dirty!

And I'm still carrying sodding pennies!

It looks like NZ is moving yet another step ahead of the UK in matters retail. The five cent coin is on its way out:

SMALL CHANGE: The new coins will be smaller and the 10c piece a different colour.

NZ coins set to change in July
20 February 2006

New 50, 20 and 10 cent coins will be introduced around the country on July 31, the Reserve Bank announced today.

The new coins will retain the same design but will be smaller and lighter. The new 10c coin will be copper coloured.

Reserve Bank currency manager Brian Lang said there would be a transition period of three months, from July 31 to October 31 2006, during which time both old and new coins could be used.

"From November 1, 2006, you will not be able to use the old coins, including the 5c coin, but you will always be able to redeem them at the Reserve Bank," Mr Lang said.

For the life of me I can not understand why the Brits are so hell bent on hanging onto the bloody penny!

The thing that irks me most is that is slows down every retail transaction as the poor sod behind the counter either has to wait for 'that guy' to fumble round and find "96p, 97p - hang on, I know I have another one here, just in the side pocket, I'm sure it was there - ah - there it is, 98p - thank you". Or has to get the receipt and then go into the draw to retrieve your penny. (And do not try to walk away without collecting your penny - my god - that sets them right off, "Excuse me sir, EXCUSE ME, EXXXCCCUUSSSEE MEEE SIR – your penny" - embarrassing.

Too tired to start a anti-penny revolution, but if anyone else if in the mood, sign me up.

Couldn't resist

Mum - replace the word Clark with Hide and Helen with Rodney....

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks,"What happened?"

"Terrorists kidnapped Helen Clark and are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse her with petrol and set her on fire. We are going from car to car to take up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?"


"About a litre."

About time, and keep it coming

For the exporters of course... Not purely for some selfish temporary ex-pat that wants to send some pounds home... So what the hell am I talking about?

There has been a significant drop in the value of the New Zealand dollar overnight.

It has plunged through the 67 US cent mark, due to selling by an American investment bank.

At the moment the dollar is sitting on 66.82 US cents, down about half a cent. Dealers put the fall down to concerns about the slowing economy.

One commentator says the drop below 67 US cents is likely to open the floodgates.

The dollar has also dipped against other currencies. It is trading at 90.60 Australian, 56.26 euro cents, 78.81 yen and 38.52 pence.

Ship it in. Ma, you might get paid back after all!

Happy to disagree - but I do like the style

I am scaring myself. Far to often recently I find myself smiling at the output of Maori Party members. Hone Harawira's speech in the opening debate was, how shall we say, 'a hum dinga'. It always lightens my mood to read an official manuscript (typically peppered with platitudes and generalisms) that is completely ruminative of the actual view of the speaker without pomp, ponce or ceremony.

Try this passage (the new way to politely let your Parliamentary colleagues that you think they 'may have acted with the best of intentions - but during the course of the expedicious carrying out of these official functions, may have inadvertently perverted the subtext of your initial purpose') - or as Hone puts it:

So - Mr Horomia, Mr Ririnui, Mr Okeroa, Ms Mahuta, Mr Samuels, Mr Hereora, Ms Mackey, Ms Beyer, Mr Jones, Mrs Pettis - I have to ask - did you actually know that your government had abandoned its commitment to Maori?

Did they tell you about it? Or did they just ignore you like they ignored you when they announced they were going to steal our foreshore and seabed?

Honestly guys - what exactly is the Labour Maori Caucus' response to these crippling statistics, and these on-going attacks on Maori?

Or are you saying that the Labour Maori Caucus has no plans to oppose this government's continued trampling of Maori rights?

It's enough that you tell yourselves you're right when your people are telling you otherwise - but how do you tell them that Labour is doing anything for them when you know that they ain't?

Guys - this isn't a personal attack on you. This is not an attack on your mana. Nor am I trying to belittle you in this house.

But in this House we are accountable for the positions we take.

Honest? Yes. Robust? Absolutely. 'Parliamentary'? I think so. Aggressive or confrontational? Absolutely not.

As I have said (on a number of occasions), I think the Maori Party is a good thing. I can't see myself voting for them - they don't represent my views. But the way they have represented thiers has been good form thus far.

(Disclaimer - elsewhere in his address he argues that removing reference to 'the principles of The Treaty of Waitangi constitutes a betrayal of sorts - on this point we are as far apart as an Amish Priest's and the Osboures families Friday night in....)

I'm a geek, he was a Greek

Aristotle that is. Anecdotes related of him reveal him as a kindly, affectionate character, and they show barely any trace of the self-importance (sounds familiar). But that is by the by, really. What does matter is that he was a generally clever type and once said, 'Man is by nature a political animal'. And who am I to disagree? Well, if I were to disagree, I would still actually be me. But again - by the by. The point is, I don't.

So it is without fear of being labeled as a should get out more-geek, that I can tell you that I am as excited as a french man that has just invented a pair of self removing trousers (the pervy bugger). And they wondered why. 'Why?', said they.

Because I treat the first session of Parliament in much the same manner as the first day of the Premiership Season. It sounds like day one was a boarder line points victory to Dr Don - even if that was a by-product of low expectations! Either way, encouraging start and points to some good Parliamentary sport to come this season session.

I've printed most of the opening speeches from Scoop to read when time permits and will try to keep a straight face as I proffer my partisan pique commentary in the guise of thoughtful analysis.

"The drink"

I can report that a drink with Kiwigirl has been tentatively booked for tomorrow night. That is to say, the drink is booked, and I am tentative...

But seriously - it is in the dairy and only an over-run with a client site visit could throw the arrangement now.

Smoking Ban

The UK have followed various countries (including NZ's) lead and banned smoking in all pubs and clubs. Funnily enough, as a dirty smoker, I don't actually mind this move.

Smoking ban in all pubs and clubs
Smoking in pub
Ministers have argued about the extent of a ban
MPs have voted by huge margins to ban smoking from all pubs and private members' clubs in England.

Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt said the change, expected to take effect in summer 2007, would "save thousands of people's lives".

I was at home when the smoking ban kicked in and recall the howls of derision from the 'civil liberties advocates' - they sounded a touch shallow in their outrage. To me, as always, it was about the praticality of such a move. How would a Friday night in Courtenay Place be with a bunh of pissed up faggers bumping into eachother be?

The pleasant surprise was that it was no great drama. And literally a week after the ban was introduced - I saw a family with young children enjoying a lunch at Danny Doolans - this would have previously been unthinkable.

But smoking is so emedded in the culture over here that I am sure the push back will be much firmer. The money quote so far during this evenings coverage - 'smoking is a way of life for us!' Get a grip lady - it's a way of death for all that partake - now there will simply be a few less innocent bystanders.

The question to me remains, if smoking is so inherently bad, a confirmed and acknowledged killer, then why not ban it completely?

Ah, tax. And the realities of politics. Bless.

No escape

I'm sat here in the dark - a power cut having knocked out our street and all within sight. After lighting the candles, I found myself gazing at the empty television screen. 'There's no pictures, there's no sound' I thought to myself.

Having taken a moment to congratulate myself on this searing insight - I thought about how many hours in a day are devoted to such hollow endeavours. Too many - clearly. And then it dawned on me.

Laptop has battery - 3G Card does not need power - problem solved. In the dark, cold kai - but still online. Wasted hours devoted to hollow endeavours? Not a bit of it!

Impeccable taste, but ye gods, talk about impatient

Just got the following email from Kiwigirl:

boo - im sick and grouchy.

two quick things:

1) i'm planning on being here for another 18mths - 2 years - so sometime
between then and now would work for me :) HAHA

2) you might want to make sure you are ok with the blog

K

In terms of the first point - whilst I think '18mths to 2 years' is a realistic and achievable timeframe for hooking up for a wine - I do have to say that I, like a Mainland cheese, don't like to be rushed.

The second point refers to her post this morning that contains this paragraph:

It's funny - meeting up with Frit actually has nothing at all whatsoever to do with wanting to shag him. I included Frit as one of the numbers because he's kind of been in the back of my mind for months. If Frit and I met and we didn't get on (which I find unlikely) I would probably be most upset because I talk alot of shit with this guy about whats going on, and he amuses and entertains me. He is more random than I am - and thats hard to find. Its hard to explain really. But if that suddenly went away - I would miss it. Having said all of that, it seems completely ridiculous to live in the same city as him, and not meet for a drink. So I guess at some stage, a drink will happen.

Me thinks she has stumbled on something here - what if we don't get on?!?!? I have reflected on this previously - what if I am not funny, witty, intellegent and charming in person??? No seriously - as fanciful as that proposition seems, I think we have to at least consider the possibility - what if I am not?

Perhaps I like the whole Blog/Online thing because I am inherently shy? That is not to say that I consider myself introverted, but shy - I think so. Our good friend wikipedia helps us here:

Shyness is not directly related to introversion. Introverts choose to avoid social situations because they derive no reward from them, and may find the extra sensory input overwhelming. Shy people fear such situations and feel that they must avoid them.

People that know me will make a strong case for me just being plain old fashioned lazy - they may have a point.

Gods toenails!!! I fear we are knocking on the door of the haunted house of introspection, nay, fairly ringing the bell. Best pick this one up later...

Modesty, I do it better than anyone on the whole entire planet

When a 'blogger type' femme declares online that there are 2 guys in London (7 in the world) that she would like to shag - how do you react?

First, if you're me, you assume that you make up at least 50% of the aforementioned 2 London based men.

Secondly, you consider how you might broach the subject with said Kiwigirl.

This I dutifully did today by offering an olive branch.

Initial post from Kiwigirl:

Which leaves 7. Honestly, while I find 'two' of the numbers very attractive, if push came to shove, I probably wouldn't go there.

Anyway - of the 7:

- I've already slept with 5 of them.

- 4 of them read this blog.

- 1 has been identified.

- 3 of them I would actually want to 'date' rather than just shag.

- 4 of them 'vote' right.

- 2 are older than 30.

- 3 are kiwis.

- All of them are very arrogant.

After checking the boxes and after a quick email exchange, I posted a comment on her blog:

Frit said...
Well, you're only human.....
4:11 PM

kiwigirl said...
And my fetish for arrogant men apparently continues!

In response to this, I have to say that Frit emailed me a few hours ago - assuming that he was one of the two guys living in London on the list. Which is fairly arrogant I may add. Actually - bloody arrogant!

And as just noted to Frit, I gave up on the idea of shagging him about six months ago. He is FAR TOO useless and I do prefer my men slightly more available :)

Having said all of that, he was one of the Londontown guys that I was thinking about. He amuses me. No idea why! And I do always like a challenge :)

x K
4:22 PM

I know what you're thinking, 'where's the arrogance?' - well quite, but perception is a very individual thing, and if it pleases, who am I to deny....

Hard to know what to say next. Is it my turn even? Oh dear God, online surrealism.

A lighter moment in an otherwise dire day

We had a few 'issues' with a supplier today - so I decided to pick up all communication directly. K's mobile starts vibrating - ensuing conversation:

Me: Afternoon Frit speaking

Caller: Afternoon, Kathryn you have a very deep voice today - are you intercepting calls.

Me: Yup, if it vibrates Roy, I am all over it.

Queue muted, then hysterical laughter.

Caller: I'll call you back.

I guess you had to be there, and it is probably a reflection on the nature of the day that this was the unchallenged high point.

Other than a rather interesting exchange with Kiwigirl - more to follow...

Why I like the Maori Party

Aside from Pita Sharples being one of the more sensible and considered voices in Parliament - and the fact that, as a party, they openly recognise the existance and danger of a welfare and greivance mentalilty amongst their own people, the other reason I like the Maori Party is headlines like this:

Peaceful start to Waitangi Day

WAITANGI - There was no room for sideshows, a congregation waiting in the dark outside the sacred whare runanga (meeting house) on the Treaty House grounds in Waitangi was told today.

Ngapuhi runanga chairman, Sonny Tau told those waiting for the first formal event of the 166th commemoration of the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, if speakers deviated from the service they would be told to sit down.

"Line up for the circus up the road," they were told.

And later in the same article

Act leader Rodney Hide also led a prayer which he said was on a sacred day in a special place to honour the treaty.

"It was very warm and it made you proud to be a New Zealander.

"It is what unites New Zealand . . . the fact that we are all one that we are all equal before the law."

He also said the Maori Party had given protesters a voice in Parliament and because of that the need for protest at Waitangi had lessened.

He said it was a reminder of what united and not divided the country.

Nice! Nothing pissed me off more than a few 'radicals' hi-jacking our national day. I often compared Waitangi Day to taking a sickie - you get the day off, but you were'nt supposed to enjoy yourself too much...

I think the Maori Party is a good thing, and has it's place as long as enough people want it to. If they increase the presence of Maori within the system and mute some of the Tame Iti types - brilliant.

In terms of the Maori Seats - I think they should go, but not until the Maori Party have secured more than the 5% thereshold in at least one general election. Once they have established themselves as a Party and political movement - then like the Greens, Act,or anyone else - it is up to them to survive.

But I do think they are owed the chance to establish themselves as a credible and well resourced organisation before the removal of the existing race based seats.

The first and only book review from Kiwilog

The book: "Eyes Of Fire: When Nuclear Wars Came To Town"

Author: David Robie

A book about Greenpeace and the Rainbow Warrior - and how the French still owe us a bloody boat! I have said it a number of times over here, mildly flipantly, but with an undercurrent of complete seriousness.

The money quote - which I think is widely overlooked in NZ:

In June 2005, a month prior to marking 20 years since France bombed the Rainbow Warrior while berthed at Marden Wharf, Auckland - killing Portuguese-born photographer Fernando Pereira - David Robie said: "Two decades on we should keep a sense of perspective
– this was an outrageous act of war against a friendly sovereign nation and an act of terror against a non-violent global protest organisation.'

As is so often chanted in remembrance of other acts of war: Lest We Forget.

Indeed.

Job Opportunity....

http://www.workthing.com/show_job.cgi?j=3405454

Good to see some of the lads at work arn't afriad to take the piss in production!

Ooohh - and it just gets better....

Newcastle United Jongleurs United have just fired their manager Graeme Souness. Sorry non-football folk, but allow me to put some context around that. This will be front page news for days - in your face - everywhere.

So I have gone from suffering in silent ambivalence to being openly ridiculed and the butt of a continual stream of 'jokes'. The emotional scars are now running so deep you can actually see them.

Hyperbole often accompanies days like this.

Rock bottom.

The Newcastle United Comedy Club

A nice quiet Wednesday night at home, just me, the cat, some fava beans and a nice chianti....

The treat for the evening was to be Newcastle v Man City on poor mans Sky (Sky News commentary - not the greatest - but it works). By 9.00pm and it was 2 - 0, chianti gone and I was actually angry - despondent would be more accurate. I went to bed - it finished a 3 - 0 trouncing.

It seems completely over the top, irrational and immature to be in a bad mood as a result of a football match (even if it was a gutless display by a disperate group over overpaid underacheiving spineless primadonna's) - but I am. What pisses me off is that it is happening now - 12,000 miles I have come after supporting these guys for 20 odd years, and what do I get? A bloody relugation battle!! Hardly the glorious weekend in Newcastle celebrating the first trophy in 60 odd years! Instead I am stuck reading reports like this:

As his under-performing side sunk to a new low in their calamitous campaign, Graeme Souness admitted last night that troubled Newcastle are now embroiled in a Premiership relegation battle.

"We will keep working hard because it's the only way I know," said Souness. But having been denied the chance to recruit a new defender by Shepherd last month, it seems he does not possess the personnel to engineer the dramatic improvement needed. The low spirits of his players are also a concern. They are not best pleased and they are obviously feeling very disappointed," he said. "They know what they have to do and I hope they will start to do it on Saturday.

To use the words of every travelling supporter at St James' Park this year, 'Newcastle - you're shit - and you know we are!' God I wish I could say, with any sort of conviction, that they are wrong.

Hankering for good old fashioned Kiwi kai?

Then click on this link....